Saturday, March 7, 2009

By Your Side

Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
Please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
And I, I love you
And I want you to know
That I, I'll love you

Tenth Avenue North, By Your Side from the album Over and Underneath

A few days I ago I was in a 'mood.' I was cleaning out the car and actually expecting all four children to help me AND stay out of trouble (not to mention out of the street) at the same time. Silly Mommy.

Anyway, as I was moving the car to the carport, the refrain of a song was playing over and over again. (see above) It all ended just as I got the car in place, and I thought, "OK God. I hear you. I'll stop fighting Your hands that are holding me. But really, ARE you holding me? I feel so out of control."

My poor attitude didn't stop God from whispering in my ear later in the week. I was at the grocery store alone(!) yesterday, because a dear friend offered to watch all four children. I took my iPod, popped in my headphones, and rocked out to Bebo Norman for the entire trip around the store. (You can only imagine the sight) It only took two songs for me to know that God was talking again:

Take these hands and lift them up
For I have not the strength to praise you near enough
I have nothing, I have nothing without you...

Take my time here on this earth
And let it glorify all that you are worth
For I am nothing, I am nothing without you

- Bebo Norman, Nothing Without You from the Album: Try

The line that got me was, "and let it glorify all that you are worth." It's easy to wonder, "why?" Why did Jeff get tagged with this deployment? Why do I have to do this all alone for six months? Why does it have to be so hard, sometimes? But God reminded me that it is all for His glory. Whatever I do. Whatever I say. However I respond to unexpected events. Take my time here on this earth, and let it glorify all that You are worth, Lord.

I used to say that I would gladly die today, if it meant that, as a result, my Dad (my earthly father) would come to know Jesus and be loved by his Savior. So what is the difference? Will I gladly embrace this deployment, if it meant that, as a result, my heavenly Father would be glorified?

Trust in me in your times of trouble
and I will rescue you,
and you will give me glory.

- God, Psalm 50:15 from His love letter: The Bible

The conversation with my God ended this morning in a quiet moment of reflection and listening to Bebo once again:

I want to hide in you
The way, the life, the truth
So I can disappear
And love is all there is to see
Coming out of me
And you become clear
As I disappear

- Bebo Norman, Disappear from the Album: Try

Lord, help me hide in You. Help me disappear, so Love is all there is to see coming out of me.


Daniel said...

So enjoyed reading through your blog tonight ... and so encouraged by your honesty and willingness to daily (hourly?) hand it all over to your good Father in heaven. A friend once told me that He is alot more interested in our long-term character than our momentary happiness - I know you subscribe to that as an awesome mommy. The hard part is when the tables are turned on us, eh? You are in the grip of a mighty warrior king -- who also "speaks tenderly to those who have young". May you have grace for each five minute increment of the day you are about to start.
Thank goodness for new mercies every morning!
You and Jeff are in our daily prayers.

Anonymous said...

I had NO idea you liked oatmeal soooo much! I asked my kids these questions and there was much copying but the best had to be that shopping is my favorite place to be! Ha! This is great to keep up with you guys! love, nicolle