Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Is it too much?

"Is it too much for Me to arrange an entire retreat just for you?"
My dear friend Gigi had a hard time retelling me these words, for God had just spoken to her in that still small voice. We were at the retreat I spoke of earlier and I had seen her walk away quickly during a time of prayer and worship. These words were the reason she walked away.

I got to thinking. Does God really use another person's life for the full benefit of a third? Can God really orchestrate an entire retreat just for Gigi? And the answer is YES! While at the same time orchestrating the entire retreat just for Lisa, and just for Meredith, and just for Beth, and just for Tracey. He's amazing that way.

The retreat wasn't the only thing He arranged just for me. I believe with all my heart, that God not only arranged the retreat, but also arranged an entire CD just for my ears. I'm not kidding. Every single song on the CD I had just 'discovered' by JJ Heller was written just for me. Let me explain:

Scenario #1: I had to do a skit in front of the entire retreat body (see picture)...I didn't want to. What would they think of me. What if I messed it up and it wasn't funny? What if...what if....
"you make my life worth living
you make me want to start giving
more and more away to you
it's not mine anyway" (Not Mine Anyway, JJ Heller)
He makes my life worth living. He makes me want to start giving, more and more away to Him. These acting skills are not mine anyway.

Scenario #2: The retreat had me face to face with a heart issue that I was afraid to face. I was not trusting God (more to come on that one), and I was afraid. If I had an inherent problem of trust, how could I trust to learn to trust more?! And just like a loving Father, He says to me...

"We could talk for hours
It doesn't matter
You don't hear a word I say
Cause you don't listen when I speak
So I'll sing to you instead

La la la la la I love you
Oooh I really do
If you ever paid attention
I think you would love me too

You say you want to know me
I get the feeling that you're telling me a lie
Cause every time I talk about emotion
You shake your pretty head and say goodbye

La la la la la I love you..." (You Would Love Me Too, JJ Heller)
Encouragement in one song. Reassurance in another. And 10 more messages of love on the same CD to boot! All from a loving Father who arranged an entire retreat and an entire CD just for me. And yet, I am afraid to trust Him. Dear Lord, help me remember who you ARE, and not who I am afraid you won't be.

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